This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
