new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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