those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
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That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months