I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...