I'm really into asian looking animals
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
