im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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