I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
