spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
