watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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