i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
