I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
