and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
