After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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