I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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