no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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