So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
jump out the window naked night went bad
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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