I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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