We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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