I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
