my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
