you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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