Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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