How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
