i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
