I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
