you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he shaved USA in his pubs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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