You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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