I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
