I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
