so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
