Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
