Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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