I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
