Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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