I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
