and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
