she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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