Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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