what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
