So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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