when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
God I need to hump something, right now.
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