Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
