Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
