Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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