I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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