How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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