I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
