Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
