a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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