my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
