SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
