We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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