Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
