the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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