so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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