no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
