Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
