The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
