4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
