Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize