There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
