I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
