Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
