I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Your dad touched me again.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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