3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bring me that man meat
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
